Hey guys! I am leaving this morning to NYC..Off to Chicago from there and then Boston from there. I will be back Sept.7th. I promise to have a ton of stories and pics from the Pool Party I just went to in LA as well as my adventures in these three cities...
 Have a good few weeks!
xoxo

    

I dreamt of him last night. The dream was a bit dark and strange..He was so seductive and beguiling. Dressed in a beautiful suit, with his hair all wind blown, and that hypnotic look he seems to always carry in his eyes. He stared intently at me..eyes piercing right through me. He spoke to me in that thick accent that arouses me like nothing else. His lips were set it that perfect pout that has become his trademark, and all I could think about was having them around my cock-all over my body. When he opened his mouth to kiss me there were a pair of tiny fangs. I shrank from him only for a second before he closed in on me. He wrapped himself around me and began to draw the life blood from me. It was better than any orgasm I ever had. It's so strange because I knew he was killing me, or making me a vampire, or something; but I no longer cared. I was completely swept away by the intensity of the moment. The second he pierced through my flesh. That moment when we had become one was all I could think about. I was moaning and moaning as we seemed to fall in luminous flight. Spiraling down, further and further into the tiny death...
I awoke with an erection and a small amount of cum dripping from my cock. Still shaken from the dream. Still hearing Michael's voice, with that thick Russian accent in my head. All I could think was, "Wow, now that would almost be worth dying for!!"

Got up this morning and wrote this about the dream...

He watches through the portals of darkness following your every step,
Can you hear his voice reaching towards you through the night?
Controlling that savage inner rage, he paces his Hunger with accustomed self control,
Finally you meet him; Smiling, beguiling; he exhales crimson breath that leaves you in a trance,
The Horror that awaits you is unfathomable, yet you lie helpless, a victim to his fate,
A pool of mercury fills your veins, leaving you in a utopic state of bliss,
Now you feel the slice of pain through a demons lurid kiss,
Eyes dilate, flutter wildly, as you realize the end is near,
Can you picture what your death looks like through the Mask of Fear? 

Enjoy your weekend!!
  

    

Hey guys! Just got home from shooting a scene for Mustang Studios. It was really hot! I was paired up with newcomer, Jason Michaels. Hot and hairy Brazilian! The man is absolutely gorgeous, with an ass to die for!
As soon as I was formally introduced to him, I was on top of it. He has really full lips, which I love. We were kissing and making out and stroking each other's cocks. I kept playing with his ass, which just increased the already excruciating anticipation that was building towards the moment I was going to penetrate him. 
My favourite part of the scene was eating his ass! It is perfect. Full, round, hairy...I am seriously getting a raging hard-on just writing about the experience.  
I fucked him doggy-style, on a locker room bench, then flipped him over on his back and pumped him long and hard missionary. Missionary is my favourite position because I get to watch my partner's face while I am fucking him. We were both really aroused and the scene went really well. I fucked him really good and deep, pulled my dick out of his ass, and shot my load on his face.
 It was such an awesome time! I always hate having to bid a good scene partner farewell after such a good ride.
As luck would have it, he will be at the Rentboy Pool Party next Saturday...Jesus loves me!
I am off for the next two days. Gym, laying out in the sun, spending time with my Chad tomorrow.
Monday, I am off to San Francisco to shoot for Titan. That is gonna be wild!
Hope you are all having an awesome weekend and making the most out of the end of Summer!
P.S.~Don't forget to look out for the new video under the Falcon/Mustang title, "Nightwatchmen"...COMING SOON!
xxx,
Nick

    

**THIS SPECIFIC BLOG ENTRY WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON APRIL 18TH ON MY MYSPACE.. myspace.com-nick capra**

I have been living the incredibly extreme and odd life of a Porn Star on and off for over six years now..There are so many incredible things I have experienced and learned throughout this journey. Not one of them do I regret nor look back on with guilt or remorse.

At the same time, I also have the same desires that we all have. Even you jaded boys and girls have to admit that past your thick armor lies the child-like desire to have a loving relationship.

My desire for a relationship has always been very pure. But how does one manage a relationship whilst sharing their body with the world?

You might be thinking to yourselves, 'That is simple..If the relationship matters, he should be able to separate business from matters of the heart."                        I agree. Unfortunately, most of the men I have experienced don't see it that way.

Some Porn Stars I know try to hide their lifestyles from their lovers. Some even lie and tell them they have retired, when in fact, they are still filming.I have never agreed to that approach. Anything based on a lie, is just that-a lie. I don't believe there is hope for love when anything is based around a lie.

So,here is the drill...

The 1st date I tell them straight out about my career. They become fascinated. They even become a bit excited. They tell me they can hang. 

That is where the lie begins. They ALL say that in the beginning. I think they really believe that. Since they believe it. I believe it.

Even though history has proved time and again that men with even the slightest insecurities within themselves will not stand the test of time..the test of my career in the Porn Industry. And even though the little voice in my head reminds me that they are probably lying to themselves. I want to believe them. I want them to be strong enough for me. Even if it means they have to lie to me to stick it out.

The 2nd date, I tell them straight out that my career makes me one of the most difficult people in the world to date. Most importantly, I  will not compromise my career for ANYONE!

It doesn't occur to them to weigh the pro's and con's.  They never simply say to themselves, 'How will this man's extremely odd career and lifestyle affect my heart?'

So, cut to my last dating experience..

Chad. 31 years old. Attractive, bright, funny, and very sweet. He reassured me over and over throughout the last several months that my work was my work and that it didn't bother him in the slightest. We had such an awesome time together. Dates. Dinners. Hot sex. Travel plans.

 Though he was completely aware of my career and my future plans, I was just laying the ground-work for my return to the Industry. That was a few months ago. I wasn't shooting with anyone yet.

Suddenly, I began working small gigs. Chi Chi's Live and Raw, shooting scenes for my new up-and-coming website. Booking appearances. 

Everything continued moving forward between Chad and myself. There were no arguments, no fights, no visible signs of any trouble brewing in shangri-la. Then, out of nowhere, he just calls me up and says it is too much for him to handle. I am devastated. I really believed in us! The past few months with him have been nothing short of bliss. He is not just the physical... he embodies the chemistry and essence of everything that makes a man special to me. His innocence is so pure. The complete dedication to us that he has continued to show me on a daily basis goes unrivaled by any man I have ever dated. Especially in the gay world where image, self absorption, money, ego, and my down-fall, career, are core. 
I am shattered right now.

Who am I to blame? Him? Definitely not! Myself? Ummm...Probably. Like I said, I love what I do. It just is one of the occupational hazards of my career. I know I am to blame. I keep thinking there is an exception to the rule. I am still stuck in that belief. I believe there is a man strong enough to date me and be okay with my career. Just safe in the fact that he knows he has my heart. My friends tell me that I should just date someone in the Industry. I really hate dating hookers! I wouldn't date me!!     

My friend Michael said to me the other night, 'You have to listen to this song. It was written for you! It's called 'Strong Enough', by Sheryl Crow.'

 I am not a fan of hers, so I had never really gotten the jist of the song's lyrics. WOW! It is so true! I feel like I don't even need to have the 'talk' with my dates anymore. Just bring my Ipod in and play them this song.

For any of you men or women out there with extreme careers that affect your love life. Listen carefully to the words. They are spoken so well. So true, indeed.

 Have an awesome weekend!

xxoo

    

**THIS BLOG ENTRY IS PRESENT...WRITTEN LAST NIGHT 8/11/08**

There have been so many men that have come and gone in my life. Especially over the past year..Through them all, there has been one constant variable..Chad.
Chad is somebody that I dated for awhile who kind of pulled away from the relationship due to the 'craziness' of my career. How many of you men that are not 'Industry-oriented' could stand the idea of your lover going around the country, being paid to have sex with other hot guys? 
Try it for a second..it ain't easy! 
Chad is 32 years old (just turned in June), 6ft4in, (taller than me) with the body of a God. He is intelligent, charismatic, sexy, successful, and most of all-loving.
My best friend, Mama, refers to him as Chadisrad.com..because Chad simply is the best. 
He understands me 100%. There was never a time (believe it or not) that we were combatitive or at odds with one another in our personal lives. He just couldn't accept me not being monogamous in the relationship. (due to me work)
When he broke up with me I was devastated. I have never experienced anything so pure and hot and bonding as I did with Chad. We have remained friends and I would be lying if I didn't say that I was still waiting for him to return to me. I would be lying if I said I didn't compare every man I dated to Chad. I have dated and had some hot affairs with some amazing men, but all have paled in his shadow.
My Birthday recently past on August 1st and Chad met me and my friends out dancing. We danced and laughed and I don't know what came over me..maybe I felt entitled because it was my Birthday..but I leaned in and kissed him. It was as if time stood still. His lips on mine for that brief moment brought forth all the love that I had for him..all the hot sex we had...all the good times we had shared..he pulled away first..I could see the shock in his eye. I knew he had been avoiding that with me..avoiding the pain that my lifestyle had brought him, but there was no denying it. Since then we have been out a few times..We spent Sunday together at Cityfest and dinner out tonight. 
I know that I have made some bad choices with some good men..I know that I have made some good decisions leaving some bad men..But keeping Chad alive in my heart is the one choice I know that was not good, not bad, just right...
I'll hit you guys up after I return from shooting for Falcon on Friday!
xoxo,
N.-

  

    

Hey guys! Is it fucking hot enough outside for you?!? This weather naturally makes me so horny!! Jerked off three times in the last 24 hours...
Hope you are having a really awesome month!
Shooting for Falcon next week in LA. I hate to date myself, but this will be the first time I have worked for Falcon in six years! Excited. The following week I am off th San Francisco to shoot a hot scene for Titan. So, things are definitely picking up and I promise to give you the low-down on how both shoots turn out.
Hitting LA again on the 23rd for my 4th Rentboy Pool Party. Promise to get tons of pics from that Event.
Hope you are all making the most out of this Summer for yourselves and your lovers and friends!
Talk to you soon!
N.-

    

I Dreamt of him last night only for a split second. I awoke and felt the gnawing pain that I have felt every night since he has been gone.
The man has me driven to distraction.
I was asked recently by my mentor, Naval, what it was exactly about Vincent that creates such strong feelings inside of me. Besides the obvious physical attributes...
I am attracted to his drive. He is focused. Strong. Opinionated. He is not afraid to question or argue anything he finds objectionable. (Though I find it infuriating when anyone disagrees with me, I respect it and secretly love it when someone can make me see sides of myself I am not always willing to look at) 
Caring, considerate, and sensitive. (He would hate to be called 'sensitive', though he is.)
Very funny and extremely intelligent. (My two very favourite qualities in a man)


I close my eyes and fall into dream sleep as I have so many nights before. Spectres of his image fall around me. Sensation as he moves through me. My heartbeat intensifies. His penetration is so profound..so primal...



Good nite!


 

    

The life of a traveling Porn Star can be unpredictable, to say the least. You never know what kind of surprises life has in store for you.
I shot two scenes for Lucas Entertainment this week. One scene with Jason Crew, one scene with Michael Lucas.
I was excited to be doing both scenes as I have always got along well with Jason and I have always enjoyed Michael as a performer, though we have never met.
My scene with Crew was amazing. I have never been pushed so far as a performer in my entire career. There was so much pissing and nasty pig play involved in the scene, I found myself shocked and titillated by my own behavior! Crew was a trooper. Especially with the banana!!
We laughed and enjoyed each other throughout the entire scene. I highly recommend this specific video to anyone with any interest in raunch, piss, and/or pig play. It will be released by Lucas Entertainment under a new line called, 'Raunch', by Michael Lucas.
 The second scene that I shot with Michael was a bit different. I walked onto the location the first day and he was downstairs finishing up a scene. Pictures don't ever convey the truth about a person anymore. With the art of photoshop, editing, etc, you never know what a person really looks like until you meet them face to face. To tell you the truth, I really didn't know what to expect with Michael.
He turned around and approached me and I say this whole-heartedly..the man is more handsome in person than any picture I have ever seen of him. I was smitten. Nervous. Excited. All of the above.
Mr. Pam (one of my very favourite people in the Industry) joked about how sappy I behaved around Michael all three days of the shoot. Like a school boy with his first crush.
I am usually quite relaxed, in control, and professional with my scene partners. This was different. Michael sparked something in me that challenges ordinary passion.Bottom line..the man rocked my world.
The sex was hot. The chemistry was hot. I feel like it is almost an act of futility for me to try to put this in words.
I guess you will just have to buy the DVD when it drops...
Working title: 'Flip This!', by Lucas Entertainment... 

    

In the great game of life there are so many things that one can experience...So many different highs and lows. What propels us towards the things that we find significant? Why is it that some of us place family first? Others, spirituality? Some, career/money? And some, love?
What happens when two of the elements we prioritize and covet conflict with one another?
I have recently had the opportunity to both love and lose. It started with the chance encounter with an amazing man named Vincent. We met in NYC, had an intense, passionate affair that continued with him visiting me here in San Diego.
The second he arrived the fire ignited again. Sex was awesome. We drove up to Six Flags and had so much fun. (Though I will admit to getting a bit sick on the ride 'Tatsu'...Ok-real sick!) We drove back down to San Diego, and slept in each other's arms. I would look in his eyes and become so excited. So nervous. We enjoyed each other's company all weekend. Went to San Diego Gay Pride Festival and the dance party at the San Diego Zoo. It was such an intense experience. We are very different and yet very much alike. Both of us were exceptionally considerate of each other and there was a lot of give/take on both of our parts, which always feels good. The sex was awesome, but more amazing was the simple warmth I felt when I was next to him. The laughter and the joking and the kisses. 
The last night he was here I took him to dinner and while we were out, my friends came into my apartment with tea candles, rose petals, moon stones, and rose quartz, and literally transformed my studio into an enchanted moment. Like something out of a fairy tale. We arrived back at the apartment and when I saw the complete look of shock and happiness in his eyes, I knew I was with someone very special. 
The next morning I dropped him off at the train station and he headed on up to LA to escort. I missed him the second he was out of my sight. He texted me and invited me up to LA for one more night together before he was to leave for NYC.
I was happy to go and it was good timing as I needed to head up there to sign the finishing paperwork for my upcoming website. Aside from us both wanting to see one another, there were other reasons for us both being in LA. His was to make money working. Mine was to finalize the legalities that precede launching this amazing new site. I also have a lot on my mind as I am getting ready to shoot two new scenes next week for Michael Lucas. (One scene is with Lucas himself)
Without getting too vivid, I will say that somewhere between the time that Vincent left me in San Diego and the time that I arrived in LA there was a switch in my internal being. I lost site of what is and always has been the No#1 priority in my life...love. I became obsessed with my career. Ego-driven. Restless, irritable, and discontent are the best words to describe the state that I was in. By the time I arrived in LA I was no longer myself. I was overly-sensitive and emotional. Irritated and self-centered. I was so worried about the scene I was to be shooting the following week that I became incapable of focusing on the present moment. Incapable of sharing my time with this amazing man. 
Upon arrival, Vincent welcomed me with open arms. I was oblivious to the beauty of his heart and the affection he was giving me. I complained. I accused. The intensity and the fear that drove the delusion in me was like a drug. It emulsified and saturated my heart and I said things to Vincent that were unfair. Made unreasonable demands. Of course, he tried to nurture me and like any human being, when I  remained unreceptive to his care and concern, he fired back.
We argued. I said things in anger that will forever haunt me. Worse, was the expression on his face when I said the things that I said. The look of pain and hurt on his face will forever be embedded in my mind.
He asked me to leave that night..I did. I apologized profusely, but what was said was said. The damage was done. I drove home in a literal state of shock that night. My heart is still raw with the realization of my actions. 
Though, this was not the outcome I would EVER have chosen for this 'Once Upon A Time-like love affair', I am trying to see the lesson I was meant to learn so that I NEVER make this mistake again. 
I guess I am learning that sometimes the things that we hold dearest to us get overlooked by the illusions that life has to offer. The things of the moment. The physical trappings of the material world. The desire to be bigger and better. Simply forgetting that life isn't about getting what you want, it's cherishing what you already have. 
I already am enough. I don't need to make myself any 'bigger or better' for my career. Trying to do so blocks me from the light of love and happiness. It drowns out the things that really matter to me. It hurt a man that I very much care for.
So,why am I choosing to write about this..well,hopefully this story will save one of you from making the same bad choice for yourself..or hurting the ones that you love..
Enjoy your weekend..
N.-
 

    

Hey Guys,
Hope you are all well. Getting ready for my next adventure. Flying to Ft. Lauderdale to complete my Rentboy Pool Party Trilogy. Leaving tomorrow morning and I will return Monday. The actual Party is this Saturday. Bought a new digital camera so I promise to get lots of pics for you.
Thought I would share with you a little more of the personal stuff going on with me as well. I am so knocked out that Vincent will be here with me next week. The rush of excitement you get when someone you have recently developed strong feelings for enters the room. The fire that ignites when you look into each other's eyes.
Some of you that know me already are aware that I am a hopeless romantic. Constantly searching for 'the one'. I don't know if Victor is 'the one', but he feels so good to me when I am with him. I get excited when I hear his voice on the phone. Seven days til he arrives..Tic-toc-tic-toc-tic-toc...
I hope you all have a great weekend and for those of you who are involved, dating, or simply having the fuck of a lifetime...do something special for your lover to let them know how amazing they are to you. Your simple act of some flowers or a note or a romantic evening speaks volumes. 
Talk to you soon!
N.-