This has been quite a challenging week for me. But, I am learning that it is the most challenging things that I experience in life that really push me to grow. As most of you know, I have been sober for 23 months. I have worked the 12 Steps thoroughly, and I am very much involved with the gay recovery community. I have been working with the same sponsor since I was three weeks sober. My sponsor not only took me through the 12 steps, but he was like the father I never had. I spoke with him every day and I usually sought his advice with everything in my life. He is very respected in the recovery community and he has about seven other sponsees, including myself. He knows the Big Book (the AA book that outlines the 12 Steps) back and forth and has many personal experiences to share from. I called him one day last week, as I do every day, and he dropped a bomb on me. He told me that he had to reset his sobriety date. I was floored. To be honest, I had never considered that my sponsor could ever relapse. I didn't really know what to say. I felt horribly for him. And selfishly, I felt abandoned. Lost. Like a little boy again, who's dad was walking out on him. I was really shaken by this news.  
 It made me realize that we are all fallible. No matter how much time we have sober or how much we know the information. Without a spiritual experience we are left to our own devices. My own devices have usually led me to self-destruction. Usually in the form of copious amounts of dope. The addict/alcoholic mind is different than those of normal people. No matter how badly we have suffered on account of our addiction, (ie: arrests, jail, hospitals, rehab, bankruptcy, divorce, near death,etc) there is always a little voice in our brains telling us that we can still figure out a way to do it again without any consequence. I suppose my sponsor just gave in to that voice. He must have been really in a dark place to have sought a solution in substances again.
He told me that I would need to decide if I was still going to work with him or not. I didn't know what to do. I just felt the sadness. I didn't make any quick decisions. I took my questions to meditation and searched to see what I felt guided to do. My gut feeling is NEVER wrong. Intuition is always correct. I knew in my heart that I still wanted to maintain a relationship with my sponsor, but the relationship had changed. I do not feel comfortable having a sponsor with almost two years less sobriety than I have.  
Being safe in that knowledge, I had to ask for guidance towards a new sponsor. I knew that I wanted it to be a person who not only has a sufficient amount of sobriety, but somebody who has a passion for their recovery, as well as for helping others. I asked the Universe to guide me towards someone who possessed these qualities. I feel that I was led straight from the source of all things living to the person whom would work best with me in my life. In moments such as these..In moments when I am lost and frightened..Full of fear and overwhelmed..An utter dependence on the Energy that comes from a Power Greater than myself can move me through ANYTHING. My new sponsor is amazing! She is nineteen years sober. She is so captivating when she speaks. I have always felt moved by her, but never dreamed of asking her to be my sponsor. I look forward to the new lessons that I will be learning as I work with her. But, I also will not forget, that like my sponsor before her, that she is human. And as humans, we are ALL subject to mistakes and bad choices. As I have learned through this experience, and as I have said before, the only thing that will never fail me is my relationship with this new Power that I have established with Light of the Universe.    
Have an awesome week!
Nick