Am I Single? ... Am I Not?
The one great challenge that I have faced in the two years that I have been sober..Am I okay without a man in my life? I have friends who swear that being single is the only way to be. I also have friends who commit to love the way our bodies commit to oxygen. An utter necessity.
So, which is more fulfilling?
Living life as a single, gay man who is self-sufficient and sober has been very empowering over the last several months. I have not felt this committed to my friends and myself in a very long time. I have the power to choose different romantic paths. Dating and having fun. I get to have sex with anyone that I want, whenever I choose. But, there are nights when I would like to have someone next to me in bed. But, is that reason enough for a boyfriend? Maybe what I really need is just a good cuddle buddy. Are we just kidding ourselves to think that we all don't yearn to share love with someone special?
I have lived a great portion of my life in relationships. Both good and bad. I love having that connection. The feeling of intimacy and companionship. But, relationships are a full-time job. Compromise, intention, and willingness are always up to bat. And how many gay relationships do you know of that are legit? Healthy? Happy? Are we just backing ourselves into a corner, thinking that we need a man to define our happiness?
I don't have all the answers right now.
I can promise you this..
Until I come up with the answers for myself, I am going to live every moment of my life to the fullest. Sexy, sober, and single!
So, which is more fulfilling?
Living life as a single, gay man who is self-sufficient and sober has been very empowering over the last several months. I have not felt this committed to my friends and myself in a very long time. I have the power to choose different romantic paths. Dating and having fun. I get to have sex with anyone that I want, whenever I choose. But, there are nights when I would like to have someone next to me in bed. But, is that reason enough for a boyfriend? Maybe what I really need is just a good cuddle buddy. Are we just kidding ourselves to think that we all don't yearn to share love with someone special?
I have lived a great portion of my life in relationships. Both good and bad. I love having that connection. The feeling of intimacy and companionship. But, relationships are a full-time job. Compromise, intention, and willingness are always up to bat. And how many gay relationships do you know of that are legit? Healthy? Happy? Are we just backing ourselves into a corner, thinking that we need a man to define our happiness?
I don't have all the answers right now.
I can promise you this..
Until I come up with the answers for myself, I am going to live every moment of my life to the fullest. Sexy, sober, and single!
A narrative that has an excellent message and strong thoughts. It is more reflective of the community than an individual. But the key is "Friend-Friendship" which seems at times a very hard word in the "gay life " Nick your eyes continue to tell us much, thanks!
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This is really interesting. I am going to think about this for myself too. I think if I had someone that treated me right I would be happy. But then I also have to think, "Can I actually contribute my fair share to the relationship?", Lord knows I'm all over the place sometimes.
This will give me something to consider.
(On a side note, this entry sounded a lot like Sarah Jessica Parker in "Sex and the City", admittedly more butch cuz well, you know you a thug. But I like it.
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I agree that being sober and single has it's advantages and that I do miss having that special person in my life. What I have discovered though, is that I don't need another person to make me "whole". It's a terrible thing to be lonely when you are in a relationship, and I have been there.
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That was a pretty powewrful statement. It was so true on so many levels. THanks for the inspiration. David
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Nick,
From another sober San Diegan...have to say that it sounds like you are firmly on your path to self discovery and enjoying every step of the way. Huge accomplishment and a necessity if you choose to remain walking forward on the path.
The relevance and integrity of your posting is a refreshing change to some posts from others.
I have had a partner for, well I will just say a "very" long time. Through the years, we have grown our relationship in different ways...now I am in Japan and he is still in San Diego...just another chapter in the journey. I will say this, it is within each of us as to what we want from life and how we want to create our lives. What is important-only in my perspective is that we are the masters of our destiny.
It is great to see that you are creating a life of your choosing, I admire and respect that..it is great to get to know you a little more from your Blog.
R/Sean
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